


Old Habits

by Lidsworth



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Graduation Fic, M/M, slight romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 03:30:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lidsworth/pseuds/Lidsworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After three years of silence, Kaneki finally reconnects with Hide at his college graduation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Old Habits

**Author's Note:**

> So since I'm getting extremely close to graduation myself, I'm just writing a short ficlet about Hide's. It's kinda ooc, a little mature, and cold for Hide. Consider his light extinguished. 
> 
> Important Message: I’ve realized a lot of you have been sharing my works on Tumblr, and that’s awesome! I love it! However, I ask that you do not tag it under the hidekanesupport group, as my work would be considered offensive to them, due to material i’ve posted in my other stories (not related to Tokyo Ghoul and some related) regarding rape, mpreg, and things like that.
> 
> The hidekane support group would not like to associate themselves with any writers who’ve written past NSFW, even if it has nothing to do with Tokyo Ghoul, due to the fact that your gallery, or works may be considered harmful to the group. That’s what they did to my friend, and while my recent Tg fics don’t have any non-con, mpreg, in them, my works from other fandoms do, and that’s considered abusive to the hidekanesupport group. Even if It has nothing to do with Tokyo Ghoul, they would rather you not associate yourself with them. So I ask that you do not tag me. Same goes to any other writer/artist/etc., you’re considered very harmful.
> 
> Spread the word, anyone who’s past works have non-con in them, or mpreg, or anything that’s NSFW be they Tokyo Ghoul related or not, you’re considered abusive to the hidekanesupport group. Just a heads up. I’ll be posting this on my other works, so just in case you ignore this, you’ll read it elsewhere.
> 
> also, spread this around because it helps the group, so others will know not to harm the group due to their past works. Thanks!
> 
> Also, please do share my works on tumblr! Do share them! You can follow me at lidworth.tumblr.com

The faces in the crowd were blank, as usual. There was certainly no one that Hide was specifically looking for in the sea of faces, no one that he actually cared about. He had learned to blank out the different expressions, the different creases in skin, he different shades of skin, and so on. He learned to stop believing that maybe, just maybe his friend would wedge into one of the crowded auditoriums that Hide seemed to always be speaking in.

 

his pursuit of Kaneki began to eat away at his health. It wasn't something that he'd been proud of mentioning, at first. But he'd go days without getting any proper rest, or skip important meals. His intake of water was incredibly low, and his internal drive was failing, miserably.

 

He was too busy staying up late, highlighting articles about the “eye-patch” ghoul, leaving his house at the darkest hours of the night and seeping into alley ways in an attempt to follow his friend's trail.

 

There were few times that he'd nearly lost his life to a hunger filled ghoul, and unfortunately, he had the ugly scars to prove it. He had to cover his arms to spare himself the trouble of answering unwanted questions.

There were many times he nearly lost his life to dehydration and malnutrition. His accumulation of hospital bills stood testament to that. The lack of nutrition had offset a string of hallucinations, where his sometimes black and white haired friend would be sitting beside him in class, or sitting perfectly visible in some cafe, or squeezing into a crowd of faces whenever Hide found himself giving a talk at his university.

 

He had to learn to discern those instances from reality. Often times, he'd find himself pausing mid-speech, locking eyes with someone who shared a feature with Kaneki,and stumbling over his words like a babbling child.

 

So he blinded himself to the familiar face that had become Kaneki.

 

At first, he hated himself for it. For losing the drive to find his friend again. But the impending slow suicide that came with it wasn't worth it. It had been two years, two long years, and he'd made little to no contact with his friend. While Kankei was presumably adjusting to life as a ghoul (and boy, was he? Eye patch's name never flashed across the television screen without the white Rabbit following close behind), Hide was losing his life as a human.

 

He wanted to find Kaneki, but he didn't want to die.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When he saw Kaneki kissing Touka during the summer of his Sophomore year, he knew that Kaneki was in good hands. Though the emotions that followed afterwards, Hide could hardly deal with. The sense of abandonment, the sense of forgetfulness....

 

Did Kankei forget about him? Did he forget that Hide was even alive? Did he even care?

 

Needless to say, after the exchange he'd witnessed between the two, Hide never once visited Antieku again, he never looked for Kaneki again. But he never stayed to see Touka slap the living day lights out of Kaneki either.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Hide finished second in his class. He could've finished at the top, but he figured that the girl that had been inferior to him needed it a lot more. So he dumbed down a bit. After he quit the CCG towards the beginning of his junior year, studying became a distraction from life.

 

It was all he could do.

 

Now the fruit of his boredom had produced some sort of flower, he supposed. He stood in front of hundreds, gripping the podium, and talking, and just talking, drawing on and on. He wanted to finish as soon as possible, to get along with life.

 

He had a degree in international business, and also acquired a degree in psychology. Occasionally, his professor had opened up class with discussions on ghoul psychology, and Hide found himself somewhat interested. If business didn't work out, than he'd go for psychology.

 

He made a point of mentioning that in his speech, made a point about how he'd discovered that ghouls and humans weren't too different. His endeavor to find Kaneki had become somewhat of an experiment that he'd presented his psychology teacher with, and every week, he'd provide his findings to her. People sat in the class room just to hear the two of them go on and on.

 

So Hide's graduating class was no stranger to his obsession. He used to be the crazy blond that was obsessed with ghouls

 

Though he stopped when his health declined, he was advised to stop by his teacher.

 

But nevertheless, he spoke on about how he hoped to achieve some sort of connection between the two species, preferably not one that resulted in death.

 

Once or twice, he tricked himself into seeing that white haired ghoul gazing at him in pure astonishment. Hide looked the other way though, and averted his gaze, though he feared that Kaneki's face would somehow morph its way into the features of another spectator. That's usually what happened, though Hide was somewhat surprised that this was happening again.

 

He figured that after two years of pushing Kaneki out of his mind, that he'd be gone for good. Kaneki wanted to live life with the ghouls, and Hide was trying to live his. So he was thankful that Kankei's face hadn't followed his gaze. However, as he spoke, he chanced his luck, and turned his view towards the same place.

 

He nearly paused when his eyes locked on Kaneki's gaze again.

 

The younger man seemed so real, so physical and tangible. Hide doubted that this was one of his hallucinations, because it just seemed so _real_. But it made no sense. Kaneki had no reason to be there, sitting down in the auditorium, and listening to his speech. But there he was, a smile stretching from ear to ear, barely containing himself in his seat.

 

Hide could lock onto the man's eyes, and could practically feel the joy leaking off of him. Could see him whispering, “I'm proud of you.” Hide found his eyes fluttering with tears as he struggled to get through the speech, and luckily, the sheer emotion of the moment he would blame for his tears.

His awareness of the end only came to mind after the entire auditorium burst out into a series of claps. Hide jumped at the sounds, like fireworks echoing above the crowd. Awkwardly, he found his way off of the podium, and back into his seat.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

He was still convincing himself that Kaneki was some sort of apparition, or another trick of his mind. It only made sense to want the most important person of Hide's life to be with him on one of the most important days of his life, but only he wasn't, and Hide had to be tricking himself.

 

A sea of square hats made their way into the air, and though the feeling of despair and loneliness filled Hide's heart, he joined in on the tradition. He tried to visualize his troubles disappearing with the descend of the hats, and tried to push away Kaneki's reassuring gaze, and warm smile.

 

He tried to forget like he'd done two years ago.

 

Only, the cascading of hats fell like a blue curtain, and suddenly, Kaneki had been standing behind it, and was now feet away from Hide. There was a small space in between the two, and all around them, blue hats fell to the ground.

 

Kaneki looked relieved, and looked as if some sort of burden had been lifted off of his chest. His olive eyes, dark at first, lightened at the sight of the blond. They'd been heavy.

 

“You were really good up there, “ he breathed silently, “I'm so proud of you.”

 

Hide didn't know what to think, he didn't even know if this was real. The blond could only blink, could hang his mouth agape as he the ghoul stood before him.

 

“K-Kaneki?” Hide managed, as he stumbled back, “It's...”

 

He stopped as a flush of memories poured into the forefront of his mind. Exhaustion, depression, loneliness and jealousy. He wanted to be angry at Kaneki, in fact, he _was_ angry at Kaneki. But he just couldn't yell at his friend, because no matter how pissed off he was at Kaneki, no matter how much he wanted to fault Kaneki for the pain he'd experienced as he searched for him, the feeling of happiness and belonging that welled up within him was indescribable.

 

Hide could only find kind words to exchange, “It's been a while man...”

 

“Yeah, it has been,” Kaneki smiled a sad smile, his entire being a breathing apology, an apology that was overjoyed to be accepted, “We need to talk.”

 

Hide lowered his head slightly, weary of his next question, “Over a burger?” The subject of food was always a touchy topic following Rize's attack. Hide was chancing his luck, seeing if things could return to normal, seeing if they could move one again as ghoul and human. As friend and friend. But for Kankei's sake, he offered only one sandwich.

 

But this new ghoul seemed full of surprises.

  
Kaneki lit up, just a bit, “How about two?” 

**Author's Note:**

> If you're not familiar with this, there's a tradition in high school and college graduations where all the graduates will throw up their hats. I'm not sure if they do this in Japan, and had I internet, I would've looked it up, but I don't. so...this is another reason why this story is so shabby.  
> So, the Patriots won. What do you think about that?  
> I wanted to make this longer, so that Hide and Kaneki could go into debt, and they could talk about Kaneki's kiss with Touka, but I think I'll save that for a part 2.  
> Either way, hoped you enjoyed it! Have a nice week, and God bless!


End file.
